Wednesday, February 17, 2010

For Love or Money


If a modern woman doesn't have a thoroughly modern man who will make sacrifices, move across the world and support her as she pursues her life calling, how is she to choose between career and love?  

T and I may be on the verge of breaking up because of this predicament.  

My case: I'm done with Bangkok.  I have a good job, but find it limited and limiting.  I have many acquaintances and activity partners, but no true friends.  I miss my family.  And I want to go back to school in order to put myself on track for a fulfilling career.  I have put the effort in, looked for a new job, gone on numerous "dates" with potential friends, and Skyped more with my family, but it just isn't doing the trick.  

T's case: T has begun to like his job more than he use to (when he told me he didn't want to stay in Thailand for much longer) and, coming up on his four-year mark, he feels more like a permanent member of the company than ever before.  He also places huge importance on money and lifestyle, which goes a long way in Thailand.  Though he doesn't have many friends here, he says he doesn't need them the way I do.  And, g-chatting and once/year visits with friends in U.S. is sufficient for him.  

The long and the short of it is that after making a lot of sacrifices by moving across the world and putting in an effort to enjoy life in Bangkok, I want to move back to the U.S. and T doesn't.  

After three hours of tears and a restless sleep last night, I am beginning to wonder if maybe I should back down and decide that I love him more than my need for an inspiring career.  Is it worth throwing away a three-year relationship for the possibility of a new career?  But then, I backpedal and tell myself that that would be unfair to me and I ask myself if I really want a life with a man who believes his needs trump mine and money is more important than love.  And I wonder if I could live the life that T's mother, his role model, the trailing spouse-turned-late-in-life-career woman has led.  Would I get bored?  Would I be resentful?  Would I have regrets?  Are love, marriage, babies, and a job that pays enough to fulfill me?

I recognize that this is out of context and, despite the picture I paint in the midst of this turmoil, T really is a wonderful, sweet, caring man.  And that's the reason I don't want to lose him.  

I just keep reminding myself that no matter how it all pans out, everything happens for a reason and good things will come my way.  Eventually.  Because they always do. 

1 comment:

Jocy said...

I hope it worked out.

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